what i want for christmas

I am in no mood to stay active on social media or write about myself. We are still waiting for my fathers test results ( I think this is taking way too. long!) and still don't know if it has spread from the lungs. No clue what to expect and what the near future will look like. I am hurting to see him hurt, nor be able to breath and anxiety has a grip on all of us. Having that said, we are grateful my father is home and able to celebrate Christmas even though it is a bit of a different one this year. Living day by day is definitely what we do right now, not making any plans and try to enjoy the small things in life. It sounds cliche' but it is our reality.

Leaving my job, spending months at home with family was honestly what I needed. I love our company but I now realize that I was starving for soul food like dinners with my brothers and my mothers comfort. Conversations with my uncle and long walks with my dogs. Not thinking about meetings, goals to reach or plans for next weeks.

I barely sleep at night, anxiety is always present and I cry more than I remember ever doing before.